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Tuna
To make a proper tuna, first you need open and drain 1 can of tuna. Low er the contents of the can into a baking dish and cough three times, being sure to aim right at the can. Empty the contents of your pocket into the circular tin. Dig up the bread from the backyard, dust it off lightly, smoke a big doobie and pee in the neighbors yard. Then add a handful of Rosencrunch and Guildenpop for texture, and some Spam for salt. Don't forget the two tablets of uranium, brought from a foreign government, if possible. Season to taste.
Unbirthday Cake
Begin with a cake from Freddy's and then jump in it with sneakers that have stepped in a fresh pile of steaming dog feces and do the "twist" to U2's "I still haven't found what I'm looking for", then take two st uttering dogs, grabbed by the hind legs, and spin like a human record player. Finally, preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
Venetian Custard Glaze
Don't even ask. If you ask, I will hurt you BAD. Real BAD. Now go get me a pizza DAMMIT! Now DAMMIT. DON'T make me hurt you.
