"Itsy-Bitsy-Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka-Dotted Meanie"
It was another typical day for the fab-four,
John, Paul, George and Gretchen. The woofiest thing since cell phones were
going on tour. The call came from wardrobe. Gretchen felt shy,
but mean. Her bikini-waxer had left her sore and itchy, and someone was
in the bathroom with the door locked and the shower running.
Of course, she couldn't find her yellow polka-dotted bikini anyway, not since
George had come back from Shady Hills.
It was in the Shady Hills that a Meanie infected
George and the paparazzi caught him with red bumps all over.
The infection gave him nightmares, and he dreamt he was being operated on by
first the neighbors, then Frank, Fred, Fanny, Fats, grandpa,
grandma, Joe, Pop, and Rover, and the family doctor declared
them all in good health, except that Gretchen was still nursing her smashed finger from when
Paul closed the submarine hatch hastily.
The children huddled in the hold, waiting for their bedtime story.
A shadow passed over them, the shadow of a meanie.
Gretchen had found them. Paul had to sacrifice a kidney to save them,
John, his dignity, and George, his self-respect. Breeches
were breached impossibly, hole gaping, they whistled their hits, shame
showing, so Gretchen excused herself and went to adjust her
radio. She'd already heard that song 6 times today and it was making her
feel weepy. She reached into her handbag and felt the old dentures
that had given her the nickname 'Yellow Polka-dot' to the press. "Life, you
cruel old fart!" The first mate looked uncomfortable at first, though
he turned on the tape recorder. They called her "Meanie", this wouldn't help,
and after all, it was true. Gretchen hurried from there
determinedly, not noticing George hiding in the shower stall next to her.
The first mate, who wanted his name kept out of the papers, saw it all.
At home, his feet up in front of the fire, he chuckled to himself.
John reached over and turned off the camera, but not before
Paul handed Peter Jenkins a towel and the mic shorted out.
That was three days ago.
Now it's Tuesday.
But you knew that already.
Bemused, Paul knew it was time for a shower.
George, whom nobody had seen till then, stepped out, dripping
wet, wearing only Gretchen's yellow polka-dot bikini.