"Campfire Thongs"
"Camptown butt cheeks in my thong, ooh aah, ooh aah, camptown butt cheeks
in my thong, ooh aah, ooh aah. Gonna wear them here, gonna wear them there,
gonna wear them everywhere, oh, ooh aah, yeah!"
"Thinging is one of my favorite things to do!"
Ken, the speech therapist, smiled at his patient and flexed his pecs.
"Go on," he encouraged Bill, once Billy, to re-enter his childhood."
"Thtop that!" he yelled. "The thadness of these thongs are tho
thappy." Ken switched to his other patented technique, "Billy, camp means
never having to say you're sorry," and touched his rear with a red hot hot dog.
The throbbing pain from the welt kept Billy awake that night, so he was
unable to forget that he'd intended to remember Camp Buttacheek and the time he
told everyone that'd forgotten to bring extra underwear, when
the girls from the all-girl's camp came walking up. They burst out giggling,
Sally too, but with an admiring glance. Billy didn't
waste any time making the most of the home-court advantage and pulled down
the window shade for privacy. Ken would've asked "Are you willing to share," but Billy
never listened to Ken anyway. All he cared about were his pecs and
bitheps. He had thought out an analyst for
each kid, called them and flown them in, and gone to spruce up. The clocked ticked
silently, and Ken never looked up from the mirror, absorbed
in the movement of the pinched blackhead.
Billy let the air out of the tires, chuckling to himself.
That'll thow you guys, he thought defensively. When we stepped
into the van, we got about halfway down the mountain
when the van veered into a tree. Ken choked on his power-bar,
which would've thrilled Billy, but he was busy making haste.
As we all know, haste makes waste, so Billy suddenly was running low on time.
Without a moment to spare, Billy, now Bill once again,
reached the door of Girls Cabin #6.
Clothed in his formal thong and cummerbund, reeking of Brut
he stepped under the porch bulb, sweating profusely. He hummed the
fateful words, "Thally, I love you too." Her heart
started beating as it never had before, which is to say, regularly.
She accepted his hand, his name, and the thong he slipped her into.
They danced the rest of the night away, cheek-to-cheek,
and cheek to cheek.
