Frankenstory 12/14/2002, round 1, #5

     "Pancake, Coffee, and Co, Inc" 

1  William A Pancake, Jr and Frederick Coffee did a lot of explaining 
7  both on Co's cable access show 'Slap my butt silly and call me Slick Willy' and to their 
9  mamas.  They didn't bother 'splaining to me; I cooked, they ate, and we had an understanding. 
12 Mrs. Coffee called up Bill Pancake, Sr and had a little hissy fit in his left ear, but he didn't 
14 mind, seeing as how he was already deaf in it from too much rock and roll. "Right, I will, mama" - his trademark phrase  
17 and he hung upon her like the cool cat he always wanted to be and bought that karaoke machine 
18 The blue collar population weren't buying their excuses. My dad spoke out, "I don't know 
8  what they're trying to come off as!" he sputtered into the mic. "My kid sister 
19 is putting underpants on her head and saying "Right, I will, Mama" even when no one's asked her." That 
16 put an end to the 'Slick Willy' show for a while. 
23       You were upset enough to take action, but I wanted to keep my job.
24 I decided on a stunt that would insure a sequel. Will and Fred were my principal customers. 
27 Co rented the equipment and brought all of us to the bluff in his Cherokee, but I had to demo it. 
3  I swooped down in the hangglider, but missed the parade of veterans. 
5  One of the band tracked my flight, and fell over, starting 
10 a domino effect on the woodwind section. Cymbals clattered 
13 all around a clown with balloons, and a little girl cried for her mother. A paddywagon 
22 would have seemed right at home among the bedlam that ensued. The people left standing 
21 could've fit into a breadbox. But it wasn't my job to - I was just the housekeeper, and 
28 I had done enough cleaning for today. I flew back to my perch. 
31      A crossbreeze made the landing difficult. I was on my third try when 
4  There was a horrible explosion somewhere behind me. Looking down, I knew you were upset. 
33 Someone told you I was attempting suicide, that I'd failed my premed exams when it was 
26 explained for the fourth time, and somehow that made sense to you. Grampa 
32 was right all along. I had been such a blasted dastard fool. I left town the very day 
11 after old Mr Pancake, Sr, died in his sleep. 
15      The obituary was a simple one: 
20      "Bill Patrick Pancake Sr. died of shame on
25      Tuesday October 20th, 2002. His son's antics made
30      His mama cry."
34 I know you read that; you couldn't go a day without your paper. 
29 You always wanted me to be a doctor, didn't you? Like Bill. Like someone who could be shamed. 
35 Well, I've got four words for you. For simple words. Right, I will, Mama. 
2  I was never the same after that.  Neither were you. You stank, I sucked. The End. 

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