Cheeseburger in Paradise

The oven was on. This was a good, because the guests were clearly hungry - forced laughter filtered in from the living room. It had a note of suppressed desperation, and a feeling of urgency swept into the kitchen and up the leg of Jenny's pants.

"Just a moment-" she cried over her shoulder. "Have some more sparkling cider! We have filberts--" ooh-eh-ahh-

Sebastian, the family dog, snuck in the back door and began lapping greedily at his water dish. Jenny almost tripped over the poor dachshund as she turned to add onion slices to the serving tray. The pickles didn't survive the event, and landed under the table. Sebbie the Weenie Dog would be no help here - he turned his nose up at pickles - pickled anything, really, but he was cute - that was his value in the household. Grabbing a jar of mayonnaise, Jenny lined up the mayonnaise "shots." The dogs panted eagerly as they watched. Archibaldi was talking about alternative fuel in the living room, and Jenny froze as she looked at the mayonnaise. Of course!

Jenny nearly ran back to the refrigerator and pawed through the old bottles of Frank's Red-Hot and half-drunk cans of Slim-Fast to her 5-jar stash of premium mayo, fresh from the Best Foods factory, grade AA. The stuff they don't ship overseas - the stuff that never leaves the state, that only locals know about. As she reached for one of the 32 oz. jars, the words "I wonder..." escaped her lips, and she intensely scanned the ingredients label. She spied the item in the list and squealed, despite herself.

She ran back toward the living room and fairly shouted, " I've got it! The perfect solution! You'll never believe-" but the smell of smoke stopped her. The patties - she could not let them burn.

Kobe beef is expensive, and these patties are 1/2 lb each. Flipping the burgers on the grill, she turned to add cheese only to find Sabastian enjoying the last of the cheddar that somehow made it to the floor. Rummaging through the refrigerator, she came across Archibald's sliced Muenster in the sealed vacuum-packed baggie.

"Were three slices enough? or should she do four?"

Mom had taught her to drown the meat, literally - in layers of all-around cheese - that was a Paradise Burger!

Marge was about to slap the cheese to the Kobe when the phone rang. "Hello?" No response came from the line.

No sound came from the living room either. The guests had left in despair.

With a shrug, Jenny slapped on four cheeses, and served them up for Sebastian, Settie, Sabastian, and herself.