I Like Explosions

(post-titled by John)

"I like explosions," Julie told her friend, Ray.

"Just don't break anything."

"Okay," she said agreeably, taking out a rocket launcher and disengaging the safety.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"Don't worry, I'm a good shot." Julie took aim, a wild gleam in her eye. "That professor will rue the day he gave me that F!"

"Wait, is this some sick vendetta?"

"Well duhh. Hold it for me while I aim it, okay?"

"What?! No!!"

"Why not?"

Ray glared at her. "Look, exploding things is not a good idea!"

"Why not?"

"Because we'll be arrested. And killed."

"It's okay. I can just explode them, too."

Ray did as he was told, and wondered if he would be arrested as an accessory. He winced at the explosion that took off the roof of the Math Building. Then he realized something. "Julie," he asked, "could we use one of your shells on the Zeta house?" Let them blackball me, he thought.

Ray took slabs of the math roof tiles, gathered them up, and carried them toward the physics building. He planned to analyze them for gamma rays, or other possible sources of explosive Julie had used. He had believed, for the three years he knew her, that she was not of this world, but that was just metaphor for weird and inexplicable, the day she showed him her true form he had literally peed his pants and run screaming out of the dorm, knocking down his advisor, who fell into some dog poop on the ground and

Julie was not impressed!

But returning to the present, Ray found an unpleasant surprise. He found Julie standing over him, the [gr..t] rocket launcher pointed directly at his face.

"Whaaat?" he whined. "Why shoot me?"

"Just testing," she answered. "I need to research how much force is needed to splatter a human."

"We splattered a whole group of humans in that building! Why try to splatter me?"

"Because you know my secret," she said.

"Cut!" the director shouted. "Cut!"

The two of them looked up.

"Why?" Julie said.

"Because you're not going according to script."

"There's a script?" Ray asked.

The director fired them and they went to bother the crap out of someone else. After all, it was only noon.