Not Everything That Bites Is A Vampire

(post-titled by John)

Melinda always knew she was different. After all, even her mother treated her different, after she found out. On the third of every month, Melinda would sneak out, creep to be somewhere private, and age. She never knew how old she would get, but she would be stuck at that age for a month. Five, fifteen, or fifty, it was all the same.

One day, everything changed. When she went to her private place, she aged only one year. And the next month, only another year. Until, on the 17th of June, she found that she could not age at all. Which was a terrible disadvantage as she was now unable to obtain her senior discount at Denny's and her change purse was growing dangerously empty.

So she decided to go see a witch doctor, one who was a family friend. Well, not a friend, exactly. The witch doctor had tried to kill her pet bunny, Fuzzy-wuzzy multiple times. But she trusted him.

"So tell me," he said, "what's your earliest memory?"

"I remember being shot during the Battle of the Bulge in 1945."

He frowned. "That sounds, um, painful."

"No, really? Look, I asked you to fix things, not say obvious stuff!"

"You know, it's normal not to age randomly every month."

"Shut up!"

"You shut up if you want my help!" the witch doctor snarled. "Remember what happened to your bunny rabbit!"

"Oh my God. I thought he was back in his hutch." Melinda cried.

"Just a clone , a very young clone."

"Are you telling me," Melinda said, "You are giving all my years to that rabbit?"

The witch doctor nodded.

"But why? Rabbits don't live very long in the first place."

"Exactly!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"EXACTLY!"

"You're mad."

"Exactly."

I'm outta here!"

I immediately ran home to my bunny's hutch and picked him up. "Only a clone," I sobbed, "only a clone." The bunny lifted his head to my cheek and ... bit me. Thankfully, he wasn't a vampire. Not everything that bites is a vampire.

The End